This was expected to be a routine windscreen replacement.

Many technicians work like machines: yank the old one out and throw the new one in. But while this troop of technicians travels on to the beat of its own drummer, some of the wagons they leave behind whistle and howl in the wind.

“As long as it doesn’t leak, that’s all that matters, right?” This is the most common phrase heard from many installers as well as car owners. Wrong. Of course, it’s important that the rain stays outside the car (and that your four wheels doesn’t end up looking like they’re supporting the most unusual, yet original aquarium everytime you wheel out the pressure washer on a bright Sunday afternoon). But there are other, more worryingly serious problems which would make water ingress look like a great new extra amongst the car’s features.

Imagine the noise from a car with no windows. You wouldn’t hear yourself think and passing any sewage treatment works, or freshly manured fields would be a trauma that you’d need professional help to recover from. But what if your newly fitted windscreen wasn’t stuck; what if it wasn’t secure? How would you know? When would you know? And at what cost? In terms of an airbarg being effective (if deployed after a collision) the windscreen would need to be properly bonded to the car. There is also some well advetrised and documented evidence of how much a of the car’s structural strength and rigidity is provided by a correctly installed windscreen.

Take one windscreen and a car to stick it into. Prepare both contact surfaces (with the appropriate materials) and apply a neat and straight bead of Polyurthane adhesive either to the car or directly to the glass – without any gaps. Lift windscreen into position and set in place. If you were trained  and qaulified to do this and had been repeating this process between four and six times a day for the previous five years, you should be quite good at it, surely?

I know who did this, moreover, which company the ‘fitter’ works for; if I mentioned that company’s name, most people would know too. But this isn’t about revealing that company’s identity; it’s about the poor workmanship by one of their fitters (besides, if I mention that company’s name, you wouldn’t finish reading this blogpost before my head is removed from my shoulders and deftly handed to me by a team of lawyers – neck still attached). But it’s OK Your Majesty, despite the evidence exhibited before you, I will not mention that company’s name because I would get into more trouble for doing so than their fitter would for thinking that compromising safety with such shoddy workmanship is acceptable.

Woah! Easy boy! A radius curve – you know, like round and around the corner? For avoidance of doubt, follow the existing line (oh, but you’ve obliterated it with all that black primer!). You’re forgiven; you don’t know what a curve is – it’s fine – please continue in a straight line up the sides and then across the top of the pinch-weld recess.

This isn’t working is it? May I remind you that this is a £45,000 car? A car which belongs to Mr Customer who bought it for 45 hard-earned-large taken out of his own sky rocket? Albert II, a Rhesus Monkey, became the first primate sent into space on board a V2 rocket, I think he could have done a better job than this (whilst hanging from a tree and eating a banana with the other hand).

Put the prestige and value of this car aside for one moment. This is a task being carried out by an ‘insurance approved’ trained professional. The definition of repetition suggests that this should be better than what we see in these images. Yet, this unacceptable standard and professional incompetence is what insured parties’ insurance companies are blindly endorsing when they steer them towards their preferred repairer. Approved? I disapprove.

Meanwhile, Mr Customer is keenly awaiting his car to be returned to him in a finished state. He’s eager to get his jalopy loaded for a weekend trip to France (and the only wind he’ll now hear is what you get from eating Brussell Sprouts).

Adhesive applied:

…and “thrown” into the car: