Last week, my windscreen world was turned upside down by an email.

Luckily it was only a scare lasting for some, 15 minutes and I spared my 18 month-old son’s blushes by not sending him to nursery with a nappy over his head. The trouble is, I’ve subscribed to a few million newsletters (some are very educational, like the one that keeps turning up to tell me that my pen is too small).  In the space of a week, my inbox was taking in as many emails as a Downing Street petition, all carrying one common denominator – I could ignore them no more and had to investigate further.  It turns out, car designer Daniel Garcia has put together a few images on his computer and created a concept which threatens to take down the Glassman Empire. Me thinks a visit to Universidad Politécnica de Valencia is needed – pronto – to make sure he doesn’t venture too far into the future from the year 2010.

To prevent any embarrassment (after all senor Garcia may even get to read this before I get to him) credit is due, for he has taken an able-bodied Audi and squashed it. I can just see him looking at the saloon version through squinted eyes, as if the guy who delivered it to his studio stopped the bleedin’ thing on his toes as he parked it. But the talented Garcia has taken his design and thrust it onto a carousel and the sports coupe rides with the BMW Gran Coupe, the very stern-faced Mercedes-Benz F800 as it stares down the on-looking Lamborghini Estoque and Porsche Panamera.  As I read through the  list of features, I started to warm to Mr Garcia in the same way that he, himself was inspired by compatriot and  award-winning architect,Santiago Calatrava. Of course, motorhomes excluded, buildings don’t have a need for wheels (especially ones with electric motors in them) but  Calatrava’s own building designs, in particular La Ciudad de las Artes y de las Ciencias (The City of Arts and Sciences) are clear influences in the inception of Garcia’s idea. How about the chameleon-like skin, which can electronically change colour at the touch of a button ? (Mind you, nobody yet knows how this can or will be achieved, so the idea is about as feasible as switches that can read your mind and not only make the necessary colour change, but also know when to do it) . His vision would make any mother proud but mama Glassman has a bone to pick with our amigo in Valencia: self-repairing glass?!

Looky here, Daniel-son, I’m happy and truly inspired that you’re putting your university degree to good use, but a windscreen that can repair itself? What about Brummie bloke Gavin? What will become of his broken heart when he realises that the days of ‘that tiny little chip turning into a great big crack costing an expensive insurance excess’ are numbered? I can’t begin to imagine how the idea of a car that can fix itself would be perceived on Dragons’ Den. The first thing Theo Paphitis will say is, “You can’t even bloody see out of it; I’m out!” Do us all a favour, amigo and suggest a different invention, like a device that will stick pins in that Popodopulous Paphitis’ eyeballs for him (he’s been using that line for two series now and it’s about time someone called his bluff).  Or how about a head band which electronically tightens and retracts, pulling Deborah Meaden’s eyebrows up, every time the camera switches to her face? That would be ace and a grand muchas gracias if you can fix that one for me, por favor!

For now, I will rest in comfort and breathe with relative ease in the knowledge that the far-out and imaginative one-piece windscreen and glass roof is based on a nano-technology material that has not yet been invented. But let this be a warning to anyone thinking of pushing the idea forward, if you get as far as proto-typing anything remotely close to a self repairing windscreen, Glassman will find your address and ask you questions.